Young and Beautiful
by SatansSecretary
Summary: Clare and Eli have conquered many demons together. But what happens when Clare has to face something that not even Eli can save her from?
1. Chapter 1

Young and Beautiful

**Hi, so, this is my take on what I imagine would happen after the season finale/graduation. Woo!**

**Um, some things might be out-of-character. But I'm trying my best to stay true! I just adore EClare and want to make a magical story. (:**

**Reviews are always encouraged 3 **

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

Chapter One

I could hear the pounding of my heart race. The beat went faster and faster the more I thought about my current situation.

_Cancer._

I could possibly have something in my system that could easily and quickly kill me. Why me? I wondered. I mean I wasn't perfect. Humans aren't perfect. But it isn't like I did anything to deserve a disease. At least I don't think so. I didn't smoke, I didn't do drugs, I didn't do horrible things to people that'd result in some type of messed up karma coming after me. I was even a virgin up until a few days ago. But I don't feel as though I sinned whatsoever. With love in the equation, I regretted nothing about that night.

But that's beside the point. I could be dying and my life really hasn't begun too much. I just can't comprehend this. Even though I've been crying myself to sleep each night, worried that every breath I take could be my last….I still just don't understand. I still just can't understand.

It took a lot for me to tell my mom my current problem. The day I told her, we both just sat on the couch and cried till there were no more tears left to produce. Since then my mom and I have became as close as we use to be. She just wanted me to be okay. As did I. I didn't tell many people about my possible disease. I mean, my family knew of course. My step dad and Jake have been crossing there fingers hoping that it isn't what it might be. And Ali knew. That's it. I didn't even tell the closest person to me, Eli. Why? Because the timing is horrible. Eli is off living his dream, helping to direct a real movie. I loved him too much to worry him right now. I knew he'd drop everything and be with me if he knew, and as much as I'd love that idea, I couldn't do that too him.

I hummed silently to myself, trying to calm down. What worked me up so much was the fact that tomorrow was my doctor's appointment. They were going to run some tests in order to see my fate. And as much as I craved to know the answer, I also preferred standing in the dark.

Just before I began to give myself another panic attack, I'd been having those lately, my laptop sounded and a Skype request from Eli appeared on my screen. I took a couple deep breaths to calm down and look presentable, then I answered his call.

His green eyes and crooked smirk appeared on my screen, the sight of him distracted me from my screwed up thoughts, he looked so happy. Which made me smile.

"Pardon me, but, is this the oh-so-stunning and beautiful Clare Edwards?" Eli asked with a grin. He even sounded happy. Really happy. Not a pretend act. By now I knew the difference anyhow.

"Oh, stop." I said, feeling my cheeks turn a bright red. Eli still made me blush just by simple words. I mean, we'd seen each other naked and made love. And still to this day, he knew just what to say to make me feel the same way I felt the first day I met him.

"Stop what? I'm only stating the facts." He added, then looked down then back up at me. Even through a computer screen, I could feel his gaze in mine. "How are you beautiful?" He asked me, sincerely wanting to know how I was.

"I'm good. Better if you were here." I said with a smile. I lied to him about being good. I always did when he asked me and I felt differently. But I did miss him, and I knew even with this catastrophe occurring, if he was here, I'd feel better. So my answer wasn't a total lie, I guess….

Eli nodded in agreement, "I wish I could kiss you. I'm counting the days till you come visit me. New York is amazing, Clare." He said sincerely as though he was starstuck. I was still so proud of him for making his career take off. I knew he could do it. Eli could do anything when he put his mind to it.

I pictured being in his arms, touching his skin. The thought mesmerized me.

"I convinced my parents to possibly let me take a bus to see you next weekend. They're still thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure that they'll say yes." I said softly, watching Eli's eyes widened and a smile creep upon his face. I couldn't help but smile with excitement, too.

"Really?" He asked, sounding more excited than a kid at a candy shop. "How did you manage that, Edwards? You're mom isn't exactly Miss Easy Going." Eli said, raising an eyebrow at me. I sighed lightly, hoping he didn't hear it over webcam.

I paused for a moment, thinking of a lie. I couldn't tell Eli the truth, as much as I wanted to.

"I told her that Ali would come with me. So she could see New York and visit you as well." I said with an uncomfortable laugh.

The truth was that my mom wasn't really up for telling me no at this point in time. The possibility that I might have a life threatening disease made her actually want me to visit my boyfriend, as opposed to just sitting in my room, wondering how many years I had left.

Eli chuckled, "Right. Because Ali and I are the best of friends." He said sarcastically. I laughed a little, sincerely this time. Eli and Ali definitely weren't best friends, but they had however grown to tolerate each other for my sake. They were like acquaintances that never really socialized with each other unless forced. So definitely not exactly 'besties'.

"Oh tell me about it. I know it's hard for you to be without her, I know Eli." I said, seriously, then laughed at myself. Eli laughed along with me. I loved talking to him, even over Skype. He made me forget about the sad thoughts I'd be growing accustomed to.

"Something like that." He said, playfully rolling his eyes. I giggled.

Suddenly my bedroom door swung open and my mom spoke before she realized that I was speaking to Eli on the computer.

"Clare, sweetie, remember you have an early appointment at the hospital tomorrow." She said to me in a soft but still loud voice. I bit my lip, my mom didn't know that I hadn't told Eli the possibility yet. I looked at my mom and nodded, slightly, my hands began to shake. I knew Eli had heard her and I knew he was going to question me about it.

My mom shut my door and I heard her footsteps grow lower until they were out of my earshot. I turned my head slowly and painfully to the screen to see a streak of panic running through Eli's expression. Before I could even ponder a word, he spoke.

"Hospital? Clare, are you sick?" He asked me, moving closer to the webcam. I blinked a few times, fighting the urge to cry. _Sick was an understatement_. But he cared so much and it killed me to pretend that nothing bad was happening.

I shook my head, "No, no." I said, as I searched my mind for a lie, "I just have a checkup with my, you know, female doctor." I said softly. Eli's expression of panic didn't change. I continued with my stupid lie, "It's nothing major. I just have to see her in order to get my next few months of birth control." I said, relieved when his expression changed back to calm.

"Oh." He said, nodding his head. "Sorry I was worried something bad was going on." He said, with a smile, "I love you. I never want anything to happen to you." He whispered into the webcam. I felt my heart drop. I felt my chest cave in. I wanted to just faint at that very moment due to his words.

I pulled myself together, barely. But I needed to get through this conversation.

"You worry too much." I said softly, I wanted to smile in order to make the mood less intense, but I couldn't smile. I continued to speak, "And I love you too. You're stuck with me forever." I said softly, Eli smiled and began to speak. But I couldn't look at him much longer, I was going to lose it.

"I have to go, um, my mom wants me to help her with dinner." I lied again. God, I was becoming the queen of fibbing. Eli nodded.

"Talk to you tomorrow, gorgeous." He said with a smile, I tried to smile back, but I couldn't. And the moment I clicked on the END CALL button, I lost it.

The tears fell from my eyes, and I gasped for air. I couldn't help but cry. No. Sob. This was all too much for me to deal with. I kept crying and gasping, listening to my heart beat race. My gasps grew louder, I quickly laid my face into my pillow. My pillow had been covered in so many tears lately. I sobbed for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. I felt my body shaking and my heart hurting as well as a burning sensation in my throat. It was as though that lump I had in my throat had combusted.

This wasn't fair. No one should have to feel like this.

And I didn't even know if I was dying or not. That was the thing that drove me wild. But I didn't want to know and that made me insane. All I knew was that I was suffering. And I needed this pain to go away.

But deep down, deep, deep down in my gut I felt like the worse was only yet come.


	2. Chapter 2

_Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?_

**Chapter Two**

I sighed as I sat on the couch staring at the white living room wall. My doctors appointment had gone as expected. The doctor was nice, calm, and tried to distract me from the needle moving into my back as she asked me about school and the future. The test results wouldn't be in until next week. So somehow I had to manage to remain calm until then. Which was easier said than actually done. It was odd though, I didn't want to know the results. I feared for my life. But at the same time I knew I needed to know in order to plan accordingly. It felt like my heart and mind were battling each other. My head knew that I needed answers. I needed to know in order to figure out what to do. But my heart didn't want to know. It wanted to be left in the dark, not alone though. My heart wanted to pretend there was nothing wrong and just be with Eli. Which sounded like a marvelous plan, but sadly reality always has a different idea of what should happen as opposed to what you wish would happen.

My mom had wanted to stay with me today. She wanted to stay with me all the time now. I understood. And I loved her. But I just didn't want her to drop everything for me, it'd make everything seem much too real. And I wanted to pretend that this was a dream of which needed to end really soon. I insisted she went to work. Glenn was at work as well. And Jake was upstairs in his room. Jake had been great though. He knew enough to not cry about this and feel sad, he continued treating me like always, and I knew that he knew that was what I wanted. I didn't want everything to cry about me. I didn't want everyone to worry and stop their lives just to hold my hand. I just wanted things to go on.

Suddenly there was a knock at the front door. I took a breath and wrapped my blue blanket around myself and walked to the door. I opened it and saw my best friend, she looked stressed but faked a smile.

"Ali?" I asked, surprised to see her. But right now I didn't mind her company. I knew if I had continued sitting alone I would've ended up making myself cry like always.

"Surprised? I know. I just wanted to see you." She smiled and walked inside. We sat down at the couch. She flipped her hair. "How'd the test go?" She asked, curiously.

"Good, I guess." I shrugged softly. "I mean, as good as any kind of test where they stick a huge needle into your back." I said, managing a weak smile. My eyes were red from crying all night. I didn't even bother wearing makeup anymore.

Ali rolled her eyes, "At least it's over, right?" She asked, trying to remain positive.

But the thing was it wasn't over. It'd only just started.

I nodded and looked down at the floor. Talking wasn't my thing anymore either. Unless I had to pretend to be happy. Luckily with Ali I didn't have to.

Ali took a breath, "What'd Eli say about all of this?" She asked me. I hadn't told her that he still didn't know.

I bit my lip and tried not to look at her. I knew she was going to get mad at me for still keeping him in the dark.

"…I still haven't told him." I muttered, softly. I glanced up at Ali and her eyes widened. She looked at me, not approving my choice.

"Clare! You still haven't told him? What the hell?" She said, loudly as she pushed herself off the couch to stand up. "He needs to know! He needs to know that everything is not okay! You have to tell him." She flipped, as she crossed her arms. Her words hit me hard and I just lost it.

I stood up off the couch, throwing my blanket onto the floor.

"How the hell do you expect me to tell him, Ali?" I said. "He's finally working on a real production and planning our futures together at NYU! I can't tell him! He'll freak out and drop everything to be at my side!" I yelled.

"What's so wrong about that Clare? He loves you! He needs to know and be by your side! You're being stupid!" Ali screamed, as she made fists of her hands.

"I'm being stupid? No! I'm doing the right thing!" I retorted. "Eli is making his dreams come true! He doesn't need to know that his selfish girlfriend is dying of cancer, okay?" I screamed, my eyes watering. "Maybe dying of cancer is what I deserve!" I screamed, "Because being a burden to everyone else is not how I want to live my life!" My tears were running down my face, as were Ali's.

Ali didn't say anything. Instead she wrapped her arms around me and we both cried into each other's shoulder. No words needed to be said. My best friend knew all of the sick thoughts that were clouding up my mind now. She knew all of the twisted things I'd pondered now.

And she knew that all I needed was to know she was there for me, which I already knew by our tears being shed onto each other's clothes and our hearts slowly breaking for what was to come.

Later that night I ran a bath. I needed to relax. My nerves were on edge like usual.

After the tub filled up I slipped out of my pajamas and looked at myself in the mirror. I examined my naked body. I wondered what it'd look like if I did have cancer and if it were to spread. I knew somehow it'd change. I knew somehow it'd be disturbing.

As I stared into my reflection my mind wandered off to the memory of prom night with Eli in the hotel. I smiled to myself as I visualized our bodies together, becoming one. I had no regrets, in fact I wanted him close to me again. I brushed my hand down my side, remembering when his hands traveled all over my nude body and how I didn't feel shy or embarrassed to be naked in front of him. I trusted him. And I remember the way he looked at me, as if I were a perfect painting. I remember the way he kissed me all over and whispered in my ear, "You're perfect. Every inch of you is beautiful."

I opened my eyes and let the memory fade. I got into the bathtub and began to wash myself. Before I knew it I was drifting off into my twisted thoughts again.

What if I did have cancer and what if I only had a few months left to live. All of the plans would be ruined. The studio apartment in New York with Eli – gone. Spending all of our late nights studying and making love – gone. Being together forever – gone. I'd be dead, faded away and he'd fall apart. Or worse he'd move on.

What if he moved on? He did was Julia. He moved onto me. What if another girl comes along and picks up his pieces and loves him better than I ever could? What if the connection we shared that night was exchanged between him and someone else? I mean, it already had been with Julia. But I like to think I was better. But what if he found someone better? Someone who'd never have an on and off relationship with him…Someone perfect for him….

I couldn't bare the thoughts of him loving someone after I was dead and gone. It made me just want to rip my heart out and let myself die alone.

I bit my lip so hard that it began to bleed. I felt my tears run down into my new open wound on my lip. I needed to just end this before I knew the answer that I feared.

What I did next was something that would begin to destroy my soul. I shut my eyes and slid under the water. Once I was under, I heard nothing. I saw nothing. I began to lose my breath, but I forced myself to stay under.

Maybe drowning would be a bad choice. But it'd be better than dying of cancer.

The water began to seem more and more like fire. I still fought the urge to come back up for air. I didn't deserve air. I was sick and ill and I needed to disappear.

The water became a knife and was slowly cutting me up. But then I lost it, my will to die. And I gave in and came back to the surface for air.

I gasped many times, trying to breath in the air I'd lost. My bloody lip was running down my chin now, I tasted the iron. But I still just kept gasping and crying.

I couldn't even kill myself correctly.

_Failure. Failure. You are a failure. Let the cancer eat you alive. _

I thought those thoughts and I couldn't help but sob. That's all I did now anyway was cry and cry and cry some more.

My self-hatred was interrupted by the sound of my laptop, notifying I had a call from Skype. I glanced over and out the bathroom doorway and saw the perfect view of my laptop and Eli's picture appear on the screen. I didn't want to answer it. I couldn't right now. I was too weak. And I would die before I let him see my weakness.

I brought my knees to my chest and let the water soak into my pores. I didn't even know what to do anymore.

_I just wanted a way to kill myself before my sickness did._

**Sad, I know, sorry. :c**

**But it'll get better! Promise!**

**Um, review please? Thank you. (:**

**The reviews for Chapter One were so sweet. I'm glad you guys like my story! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning. Sex. Omg. **

**Don't read if you don't want dirty images in your beautiful mind. **

_I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will._

Chapter Three

The day was finally here. The day I'd been waiting for, imagining but also dreading. Part of me was excited to see the boy I loved with each and every inch of my heart. But the other part knew that I'd have to continue to pretend to be happy and well around him. Because he couldn't know that I might possibly be dying inside. He deserved a girlfriend with no sickness, he'd already lost Julia, and I refused to leave him as well.

The bus ride wasn't too terribly long. I'd slept through most of it. I was so tired lately. I also kept myself distracted with my iPod, music had seemed to be my biggest comfort. Because listening to people with beautiful voices sing of things they'd pored out onto paper just made me feel less….less lonely.

Eli was staying at a hotel. The director of the movie he'd been helping with paid for his stay each day. The hotel was beyond beautiful, Eli had informed me that it was a pretty impressive place to stay and he was very correct.

I reached into the pocket of my aqua blue jeans and pulled out a small piece of paper that I'd written Eli's room number on. I took a breath as I opened the front door to the hotel. The lobby was spectacular. Everyone working there wore suits and the lobby was filled with high-class people, leather couches, a glass bar, as well as a large fountain that sat in the middle of the lobby. It was gorgeous.

I headed over to the elevator and walked into it once the doors opened for me. I looked at all of the floor and pressed the button for the 9th floor out of the 15. I looked at the black floor of the elevator and listened as the doors shut and the elevator made it's way up to Eli's floor. My palms grew sweaty as I felt myself getting closer and closer to Eli. I wasn't sure if it was because I was excited to see him or I was nervous of saying something about the possibility of cancer and having him find out.

Once the elevator let me off onto the 9th floor, I began to walk down the hallway until I found Room 923. I took a deep breath, anxious and nervous to see Eli. He'd always seemed to make my stomach fill up with butterflies, especially this time with the secrecy and lack of seeing him. It'd been two long weeks.

I brushed any lint off of my white blouse and touched my curls making sure they still held. Once I felt ready I knocked on the door.

It didn't take but a couple seconds for the door to open and my blue eyes to meet Eli Goldsworthy's green eyes. Both of our lips formed sincere smiles of ease and without a word his arms were around my waist, and mine around his neck and our lips meeting for the first time in what felt like months.

I honestly don't know how long our lips were pressed against one another's, but it was long enough to make me feel complete. He completed me. And he didn't even have to say a word in order to do so.

Once we pulled away, I looked at him, my cheeks blushed. He smirked at me with the smirk that started everything.

"I'm so glad you're finally here." He said softly, I nodded in agreement. I was beyond happy to see him. I always was.

"So am I." I agreed, "So are you going to invite me in?" I asked with a playful smile.

Eli nodded with a smile and took my hand, gently walking me into the room. The door shut as my eyes glanced around to see probably the most luxurious hotel room I'd ever seen. It was like the type of room you'd see in movies about celebrities or rich people.

I looked at him, "Oh my god, Eli." I said softly, he nodded with a laugh. I walked into the room's living room. It had light peach walls, a huge flat screen television, as well as a black leather couch that was large enough to fit five of me. The kitchen was beside me, the counters were made of pure black marble. And the fridge was black and had what looked like diamonds increased on the handle.

"It's something, isn't it?" He asked softly, as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. "You should see the bedroom, it's fit for a king….and a beautiful blue eyed queen." Eli muttered in my ear. I turned around in his arms so I was facing him, our body's had little space between each other.

I couldn't help but feel no suffering when I looked at him. I smiled at him softly. "Are you insinuating something, Goldsworthy?" I asked him, lowly.

He smiled at me and raised an eyebrow, "You tell me, Edwards." He replied in a soft, low, voice. I couldn't help myself when he used that tone of voice. He'd used it the night of prom as well, it was so _inviting._

I closed the slight space between our bodies, pressing mine against his lightly. My hands moved up and down his back softly, my nails lightly moving against his clothing covered skin. I knew from the first night we made love that by gently scratching that certain place on his back I could easily get him to do whatever I pleased. Not that I had that problem anyway with him.

He could feel my nails, I saw it on his face, and felt him harden against my thigh. I smiled at him and leaned into his ear, breathing my breath onto his neck.

"How about I show you instead of telling you?" I suggested in a deep whisper, I felt his hands move down my waist to find my ass.

"Mmm…that's fine, too." He said softly then pressed his lips against mine. Our tongues finding each others. I'd missed this. I'd missed him.

As our tongues danced with one another, I reached down and pulled his shirt off and over his head. Our lips were apart for only a moment. I felt as Eli unbuttoned my blouse then backed me up against the wall, my blouse fell onto the floor and he grabbed my hands and held them above me, making himself the dominate one. I had no issues with that. I'd gladly have him dominate me any day.

Eli moved his lips from mine and gently kissed down my neck then down my chest and cleavage, he unhooked my bra and tossed it aside. His lips moved onto my breasts, his tongue made circles around my nipple, I couldn't help but let out a soft moan. Even the smallest foreplay turned me on.

He moved to my other breasts and did the same, as his hand squeezed and rubbed the breast he'd just finished with. Before I knew it his lips were moving down my rib cage then down my stomach. He stopped at my waist then I felt his teeth bite down on my left hip. This came as a surprise and I released a gasp as well as a moan.

"Oh! Eli….." I moaned his name, my hands moved down through his messy black hair as he sucked on my hip bone a bit longer, driving me a bit crazier. Then I felt him unbutton my jeans and pull them down. He kissed back up my body, making sure to gently run his tongue over each one of my nipples then he moved back to my lips and kissed me gently.

I made the kiss deeper and rougher, making him harder. My hands moved down to undo his belt and I slipped it out of his waistband. I stepped out of my jeans then decided to dominate him. It was all still new to me, but I wasn't worried about doing the wrong thing. Eli made me feel comfortable.

My lips moved away from his, and quickly down to his neck. I opened my mouth then bit down hard onto his neck. It surprised him, I felt him jump and heard him gasp. I gently began to suck the skin. His hands moved up and down my sides.

"Fuck….Clare…" He muttered, as I sucked even harder on his neck. I wanted to leave a mark. I wanted to drive him as wild as he seemed to drive me.

Before I could continue to suck on his soft, soft skin, he reached down and roughly picked me up, my legs wrapping around him. He carried me into the bedroom. He was right about the room, it was beautiful. It was filled with red and gold all over. But my mind wasn't on home interior right now, it was on Eli.

He threw me down onto the bed, I smiled, he looked my body up and down.

"I don't think I could possibly ever get tired of looking at you." He said with a smirk. He always said sweet things, I appreciated it. But quite honestly I didn't want to hear his words at this moment.

"Just shut up and make love to me." I said with a grin. Eli smiled. He knew he'd brought out a side of myself I didn't even know I had. A side that wanted him, _that craved him_.

"With pleasure." He retorted with a wink, then climbed on top of me.

We kissed each other deeply, I reached down to help him take off his jeans as well as his boxers, then he slipped me out of my panties. Our hands moved all over each other's body, exploring, feeling, taking in the beauty of becoming one.

I felt Eli moved himself inside of me, he watched my facial expressions as he slowly moved in further. Thought we'd had sex once before, I'd heard that the first few times still hurt a bit. And Eli never wanted to cause me intentional pain.

It hurt a little, but not enough to make me shed a tear. I leaned up and kissed Eli deeply. Signifying to him that he could move in deeper, in fact I wanted him to.

I moaned softly, as I felt him move all the way into me. I loved the feeling of being penetrated by him. He was perfect. Him being inside of me made me feel perfect.

He began to thrust in and out of me, I remember the first time we had sex, it was sweet and slow and beautiful. But this time, I wanted something more…._intense._

"Mmmmm…..Eli, harder." I begged him in a moan.

He began to thrust harder and deeper, I'd given him permission.

I moaned louder and listened as he moved as well, I felt him go in deep and fast and it made me feel a hot sensation I'd ever felt before in my entire life.

"Oh, Eli…faster. Oh, I want you so bad." I moaned louder, Eli moaned along with me as he quickened his pace and held my hands down above my hand. It turned me on even more, if that was even possible.

"Clare, you feel so good…" He moaned my name. He'd moaned my name once before, and I loved to hear it. I wrapped my legs around his lower body, this made him thrust into me even deeper and I couldn't help but moan.

No. Not moan. More like _yell_….with intense pleasure.

"Fuck…fuck….fuck…." I yelled, as I felt him move against that spot that would drive any girl wild. I wasn't one for cussing, but it felt so unbelievable.

Eli knew he'd found my g-spot, because he moved against it harder than before, causing the bed to shake back and forth. I felt our bodies both begin to sweat. I slipped my hands out of under his and moved them onto his bed, as I clawed my nails into his skin.

"Eli…Eli…Eli!" I muttered, loudly, I arched my back and tugged on his hair. I was surprised he didn't yelp in pain from the way I was tugging his hair with all of my strength.

The hot sensation I felt inside of me began to consume my body, I shut my eyes, my body against his, my back arched as much as I possibly could arch it. I was so close.

"Cum for me, Clare." He whispered in that husky low tone and drove me into madness. He didn't need to do anything more to make me release.

"Oh my god! Eli! I-I-I…" Before I could finish I felt my orgasm ripple through my entire body. I felt it move to the bottom of my toes, it felt amazing. It felt like part of me had died and gone to some sort of a sexual heaven.

My orgasm and tightening of myself caused Eli to do the same. He quickly pulled out and I listened to his moans of pleasure followed by the feeling of his fluids on my stomach. I smiled at it.

I decided to do something unexpected. I mean, why not? With my current situation at hand, shame really wasn't an issue anymore.

I moved my fingers down and through his juices that laid on my body. I watched as he looked at me in curiosity. I brought my fingers up to my mouth and ran my tongue up and down them, tasting him.

"You taste so good." I said softly. He smirked at me.

"I never thought you were into _that_." He said, referring to me licking his cum. I honestly didn't even think I was into that. But Eli brought out so many different surprises within me.

"I'm full of surprises, Goldsworthy." I said with a smile. He chuckled and nodded in agreement. He reached over and grabbed a tissue, he cleaned the rest of his mess off of my stomach then laid down beside me.

"I never realized how amazing an orgasm would be…" I thought aloud. I could almost hear his cocky smirk form on his lips.

"They are pretty incredible." He said softly, as covered both of our bodies up with a blanket. "Plus, I mean, it probably felt even better because _I _was inside of _you." _He said, huskily. I turned to him and smiled.

"Better stop that talk, Goldsworthy, or there may be a round two." I said with a teasing smile, but I wasn't completely kidding. Eli raised his eyebrow.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." He said, "Have, I, Eli Goldsworthy, turned, Clare Saintly Edwards, into a sex addict?" He questioned me with a smile. I rolled my eyes. He was so…so…_.Eli._

"You know narcissism is a symptom of being mentally insane." I said, as I rolled over and straddled him in between my legs. It felt new to be on top.

He looked up at me and grinned. "Oh, but I make insanity look so hot." He said, in his usual conceited tone. I couldn't disagree with him though.

"That you do, Elijah." I murmured, as I moved my hands up and down his chest.

"So, Edwards, still up for round two?" He said with a smile, as he held onto my hips. "You can be on top this time."

Before I could say anything, my mood went from wanting more of Eli to shit. My head started to ache and I quickly felt weak….absurdly weak…it all happened so fast. I felt light headed as well as though I was about to pass out.

Eli could see my face change.

"Clare? Are you alright?" He asked, worried. "You know we don't have to go for round two, beautiful." He said, in a soothing tone. I quickly rolled off of him and laid down back beside him.

We faced each other, I sighed softly, barely able to keep my eyes open.

"…I'm sorry, Eli. I-I just got suddenly really tired." I whispered, I was sad to let him down. I was sad to let myself down.

Eli shook his head, "No need to apologize. Sex is still new to your body." He stated. "Just get some sleep, alright? I'll be here when you wake up." He smiled. He was always so sweet and kind. And I was a liar.

He kissed my forehead and I smiled weakly.

"I love you." I muttered, and I heard as he replied, but his voice slowly disappeared and I drifted off into my world of lies and sickness.

I couldn't keep this pretending to be okay up much longer. But the visualization of Eli's face after I tell him was enough to make me want to never wake up.

I was in a perfect world, but I was a sick. And lying. I felt so worthless.

**So yeah. I was gonna add more to this chapter to leave an even bigger cliffhanger. But I ran out of energy to write. **

**But the next chapter will be crazy! And emotional. Yup.**

**I apologize if the sex scene wasn't as hot as you guys would prefer. I rarely ever write about sex, and when I did it was a billion years ago before I took a hiatus from fan fiction. :p**

**Anywho, review please. I love the feedback! 3**

**Happy Fourth, btw. Go have a SAFE time. Don't blow up anything that shouldn't be lit on fire. ^_^**


	4. Chapter 4

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

**Chapter Four**

I opened my eyes slowly. My body was sore from having sex with Eli yesterday, but it was well worth it. I felt a pair of arms around me, as well as my bare body against Eli's bare body. I remember waking up like this on prom night, and I adored it. The feeling of being in Eli's arms, no clothing in between us felt so perfect.

I turned my head slightly to see if Eli was still asleep. My blue eyes met his green ones. I smiled automatically, he smiled back peacefully.

"Morning, beautiful." He said softly, I turned my body around to face his. I felt our naked parts meet once again. I'd never been so close to a person in both emotional and physical aspects. I was certainly glad it was Eli though.

"Hey you. How long have you been awake?" I asked him, as I felt his morning arousal. I couldn't help but blush, feeling him against my crotch. It made me wet in only a second.

"Not long…." He paused, I knew he felt my wetness against his arousal. He reached down under the blanket and touched me. I moaned softly, even with just on touch he could make me feel pleasure.

"Hm, Edwards, you aren't even up five minutes and you're already turned on." He stated, lowly. My cheeks turned even brighter.

"I guess you could say you've got quite an effect on me." I suggested with a grin then leaned in and kissed his neck gently.

"The effect is mutual, trust me." He muttered, "I can't even close to you without having to worry about getting a boner." He said. Boner. That was just an odd word.

"Well, you don't have to hold back right now, Goldsworthy." I said in a whisper, as my nails moved down that spot on his back. He gasped a little.

Eli shook his head, "Tsk. Tsk. I'm afraid I might've turned you into a sex demon." He teased me then kissed my collarbone, his kisses turned to nibbles and I felt myself wanting him more.

"Don't get too cocky, Goldsworthy. I think I always had a sexual side….you just happened to be the one to bring it out." I said, as my hand moved through his black messy hair. My other hand reached down under the blanket and found his erection.

Just as I was about to stroke him, and his lips were about to move down lower….my phone rang.

I stopped and looked at Eli.

"Sorry." I said, sincerely sorry for starting something. He shrugged and smiled as if he didn't care. Probably because he wasn't a sex-obsessed jerk. Which, you know, is nice.

I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand, it was Ali. I sat up and hit the answer button as well as speaker phone.

"CLARE! I've been trying to get a hold of you all morning. What were you doing? Too busy having sex to answer your best friend?" Ali squealed, I glanced over to see Eli rolling his eyes.

"Actually we were about to, until you interrupted." I said casually back to the phone. Eli let out a laugh, as he laid his head on my lap.

"Ew. Okay. I just got the worst image ever." Ali whined, I could practically see her disgusted face in my mind.

"Come on, Ali. You know you just love picturing Clare and I naked." Eli chimed in. I looked at him and chuckled. My free hand messed with his hair.

"No way." Ali replied, "I've already seen Clare naked, so that doesn't phase me. But picturing you….ugh….I think I need to go stick nails in my eyes now." She complained.

"Love you too, Ali." Eli said then sat up, kissed my cheek, then climbed out of bed. He walked over to the dresser and took out a pair of black boxers. I watched him slowly put them on, not before I looked him all over though. He was so…._gorgeous._ His face, his body, his hair, and most importantly his heart. He was incredible.

My thoughts and stares were interrupted by Ali's voice.

"Um, hellooooooo. Clare!" Ali's loud voice yelled in the phone. I looked down at it and let out a breath.

"Sorry Ali." I apologized. I heard Eli's laughter. "So, what did you want anyway?" I asked her.

"I wanted to see if you'd gotten your test results back." She said calmly. "I didn't know if maybe you'd gotten them and just didn't want to talk or…."

My mind zoned out from Ali's chatter. I looked up to see Eli staring at me. His expression was covered in worry, nervousness, and curiosity. I bit my lip and dropped my phone onto the bed, quickly getting up. I felt like prey right now and Eli was the predator.

"Clare, what test results?" Eli asked me, as he slowly made his way over to me. I bit my lip so hard it bled. I was a liar. I was a bad lying and possibly dying girlfriend. Eli deserved better.

Tears formed in my eyes and I couldn't do this right now with him. I felt so raw. I gasped and darted out from the bedroom, out of his sight and I slammed the bathroom door closed. My body leaned against the door and I sank onto the floor. My tears were rolling down my face now. I wanted to die. I was a liar. And lies aren't suppose to be in relationships but I did it anyways.

It wasn't long before I heard Eli's footsteps getting near the bathroom door. I heard a knock. I didn't reply, instead I just sobbed, my breathing grew heavy.

"Clare…please. Let's just talk, just tell me what's going on." Eli said softly, he sounded confused and worried. That made me cry harder.

"Beautiful. Please just open the door." He begged, it was the first time he sounded like he would die if I didn't obey him. "I love you. I won't be mad, no matter what it is." He whispered, desperately.

I tasted my bloody lip and rubbed my water filled eyes. "I'm useless, Eli. And a liar." I cried out of guilt. "You shouldn't love me. Hate me." I begged him, as I cried even more. The thought of Eli hating me killed me, but it'd be easier.

"Clare….I could never hate you. I will never hate you." Eli said, his voice sounded weak. "Open the door….just tell me what's wrong." He begged, I heard his hand hit the door. I took deep breathes. I was found out. I had to tell him now.

I had to tell him that his girlfriend may be dying and it's all my fault because I deserve every bad thing because I'm a terrible daughter, a terrible friend, a terrible sister, and now a terrible girlfriend. I failed Eli. I failed him so.

I slowly and weakly got onto my foot. I took a breath.

"Eli…I-I-I-" A piece of my heart cracked.

"I might – I might have…." Another piece cracked as the first piece broke off.

"Cancer." I said, breathlessly.

I felt the door behind me open, I turned to see Eli's face. His eyes were watery, I watched as a tear fell down his cheek. He looked broken.

My heart shattered.

Neither of us said a word, we just looked at one another. I took it all in. Everything. Because I had no idea what my time limit was and if I even had one.

Then his arms were around me, and I allowed myself to release my tears all over his shoulder. I held him just as tight as he held me. I felt his tears roll onto my shoulder. And this was it. We both had just witnessed each other breaking.

I infected him with my love and in return I broke him down.

But being the selfish girl I am I only wanted him to hold me and he did.

We stayed like this for what felt like forever. Our bodies holding one another.

Our tears flowing down each other's backs….

**This chapter is super sad. Obviously. But it'll pick up. I swear. 3**

**Um, reviews? Those are wonderful. I love the feedback. You guys are such doll faces. (: **

**Next chapter will be up sometime soon. **


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